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Well, I was planning on doing this post yesterday but I got too wrapped up in the day.
I am always so thankful when I have a day off of work when DH will be working. I am able, on days such as this, to feel connected with my home and see it in a new light.
I was enjoying my lunch in the basement family room while I watched a show which had been recorded on TIVO and I lifted my eyes to see sun shining through the little half window above the couch. I suddenly realized I had never noticed the sun in this room. I am working so much I haven't even had the joy of seeing how the sun hits the upright piano on a sunny afternoon. I cried, both for joy and for sorrow. I am so out of touch with my home I don't even know its inner workings. I am so blessed I was able to witness this moment of clarity and enlightenment. It reminded me of one of my favorite hymns.
Open My Eyes
Open my eyes, that I may see
Glimpses of truth Thou hast for me;
Place in my hands the wonderful key
That shall unclasp and set me free.
Silently now I wait for Thee,
Ready my God, Thy will to see,
Open my eyes, illumine me,
Spirit divine!
Open my ears, that I may hear
Voices of truth Thou sendest clear;
And while the wave notes fall on my ear,
Everything false will disappear.
Open my mouth, and let me bear,
Gladly the warm truth everywhere;
Open my heart and let me prepare
Love with Thy children thus to share.
I was able to focus on my home yesterday. I threw open the windows in the master bedroom and the bathroom. Opened the door from the kitchen to the screened in porch (much to the joy of Spaz who ran out immediately and basked in the sun rays on the porch swing) as well as the front door to let the light in. I put on a sweatshirt to keep myself warm from the cool air coming in and put myself to work.
I cleaned the bathroom in detail, so nice to have a shiny bathroom.
I washed a load of laundry as well as dried and put away.
I emptied ALL trash cans for the garbage men to haul away (they don't have Presidents Day off)
I cleaned out my fridge
I loaded my dishwasher
I shovelled my front porch and driveway
I read Little Homes and Big Heart
I made dinner
I greeted my DH who came home at 3:30 to pack a suitcase for his trip
I prayed with DH for a safe drive and profitable week
I closed up the windows, lit some yummy candles;
Took a nice hot shower in my nice clean bathroom and snuggled into my freshly made bed to fall into a deep, peaceful sleep.
After all I accomplished yesterday and the eye opening fact that I CAN accomplish things at home all day I am much much closer to deciding to come home to stay. I have established routines for my daily life now and can see the benefit of being a SAHW. I am becoming more convinced I can overcome the fears and apprehensions I listed before in this post.
I am excited to see the progress I am making.