My Passion to be a SAHW and a Request for Help at the End

For a very long time I have longed to be a wife and mother. I have never had an intense desire to have a career. I attended college for 2 semesters and the best thing that came from my college experience was meeting my DH online.

DH proposed about 4 years later and I accepted. We were married in 2002.

Before our wedding, we learned DH had the opportunity to take a job in SW Pennsylvania, close to where his family lives.

We were moving! We moved almost one month after we were wed. I was raised in a military home and was used to moving. I was truly excited about the prospect of a new, fresh start as husband and wife in a new town.

DH had a good job and financially I didn’t need to work. FINALLY my time had come. I was going to be a SAHW and certainly, within a couple of years, we would be bringing our first child into the world.

As is so often the case, life did not go as planned. That first year I stayed home and expected to know EVERYTHING I need to take care of DH and our home. I expected to become my mother when that ring went on my finger. I was disappointed in my inability to focus on our home and our inability to have a child. I was unable to take care of my home, uncaring about my appearance, and downright FRUMPY.

It was hard not knowing anyone nearby. It was hard only having one vehicle, which husband took to work. That first year at his job he was working 80 hours a week. He was exhausted when he came home and I was miserable. After talking it through we decided I should try to find a part-time job, just to help me get out of the house and the ever present funk I was in. We bought a second vehicle and I put in for any part-time secretarial position I could find.

Flash forward 4 years. I am working 40 hours a week. We have our own home now and I have matured greatly from where I was 5 years ago. And now…

I WANT TO COME HOME!!! I want to be a SAHW. We understand it will take more financial and emotional effort to have a child (due to fertility problems). We understand it may never happen. I am willing to accept that (for now). I don’t have the empty feeling inside anymore. I know I am to be FIRST AND FOREMOST a helpmeet to my husband.

I am anxious and I need to be sure about my decision. DH will support me either way. He understands my desire to be at home and truly, I think he would prefer it. He does not, however, want the old frumpy wife again. Thus, I need to be sure about my decision.

We talked about it about a month ago and DH had some valid points. This is what I am working on right now.

These are the components DH has witnessed I need in my life to be happy and productive.

• Social interaction;
• Sense of purpose;
• Accountability;
• Being a contributing member of society; and
• Being challenged by my work.

I have all these things at my job and DH wants me to figure out how I will be able to find them at home or, if I can't find them, how will I supplement them.

I need to reason it through and identify where these components will come from. DH can’t provide a lot of them because he works ~ 12 hours a day.

I need to study each component in the Word to see where biblical women got these things.

Thanks so much for reading this. It was more about putting it in writing than anything.

I am not looking for counsel. I want to make that clear. I know that this is our family’s decision.

I am simply looking for the right avenues to research. I want to be able to make a decision on this by summer of this year and I just thought I could get some good resources from you all.

I have a wonderful woman who is our Fellowship Coordinator’s wife. She is wonderful to bounce thoughts off of. I just thought I would take advantage of the on-line community and any input you might have about books or simply records to look at in the Bible. I am currently reading through Ruth and noting (where I can) where Ruth received her support and all of those things listed.

Thanks so very much.